


I will close my eyes calmly, knowing I am anchored to you

by Madelasha



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: It's mostly just fluff, M/M, Seriously you might get a cavity, album spoilers?, there are lyrics for two of the songs so yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 05:07:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madelasha/pseuds/Madelasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are scribbled sentences all over the place. Things like ’I just want it to be you and I forever’ and ’my traces in your hair’ and then words written almost as afterthoughts in the corners of Harry’s mind. It hits Louis like a freight train, that these are words Harry wrote about him. For him. </p><p>It feels like there’s a supernova inside his chest.</p><p> </p><p>(The one where Louis and Harry are fools in love who write songs to each other, aka, what is happening in actual real life right now what a time to be alive)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I will close my eyes calmly, knowing I am anchored to you

**Author's Note:**

> So I listened to the leaked album and spent about five hours crying about it and writing this and then crying again. 
> 
> It's basically 2k words of feels I can't hold inside anymore. Enjoy.
> 
> (Also, yes, the title is by Tyler Knott Gregson because he causes me pain and I clearly need to leave tumblr and stop crying about boybanders.)

It becomes a thing at the beginning of the Take Me Home tour, seeing Harry trade his old journal for a yellow notepad that looks like it has seen better days, carrying it around everywhere like it’s attached to his hand. Louis puts the question on the backburner because they’re always so _busy_. They barely get any time alone these days and it seems silly to waste any of it on his boyfriend’s bizarre habits. We’re talking about the same person who snapped a picture of his breakfast, put it up online and called it bananastagram just this morning. Harry is just weird like that. 

They’re stuck on the tour bus for the next twelve hours on their way to Ohio and Louis feels restless all the way to his bones, debating whether he should challenge Zayn to another round of Fifa or go annoy Harry, who’s been locked in the lounge doing God knows what for the past two hours. He goes over to the bunks and sees Zayn fast asleep half on the floor, half on Liam’s leg, with Niall’s head on his torso. So, Harry then.

He finds him in the exact same position he left him two hours ago, and while he knows Harry moves at half the speed of a normal human on a good day, it’s still pretty worrying. Even more that he doesn’t even notices it when Louis comes in. 

“Hey babe, what are you doing?” He hooks his head over Harry’s shoulder and feels him tense up underneath him. Louis raises his eyebrows but says nothing, waiting for an answer.

“Im just writing down the grocery list Lou” Harry’s dimples are fully in place and his smile is genuine enough that Louis lets it go when he subtly closes the notebook and puts it between his legs, effectively hiding it from sight. 

They spend the rest of the trip curled up on the couch watching christmas movies because that’s all the drugstore in the middle of nowhere had, moving only to accomodate the rest of the guys when they show up just as Harry is putting on Arthur Christmas. 

It’s a nice trip.

Louis doesn’t realise until later that they don’t need to go grocery shopping because, oh right, they’re on tour. Odd.

\----

It goes on like that for weeks. Sometimes after a concert or an interview the boys find Harry curled up in a corner with the same ratty notebook on his lap and a concentrated frown on his face. They rest of them assume Harry is just writing in his journal like usual, but Louis knows better. He knows what Harry’s journal looks like, and most of all, Harry never seems unconfortable when writing in it around them, especially not Louis, who has a couple of doodles in it as well (Mostly cartoons of harry with gigantic eyes and hair high enough to have its own atmosphere).

It’s not that Harry can’t have secrets from him, because of course he can, but they’ve never affected *them* before. All Louis knows is that Harry is spending more and more time with that damn notebook staring off into space than cuddling with him or kissing him. Everyone knows Louis doesnt take kindly to things interrupting the little Harry time he has.

It doesn't help that they’re in the middle of putting the new album together as well. There are late nights at the studio sitting with producers and song-writters and Louis is much more involved in the process this time (he has a little side project he’s been working on with Liam that hopefully will see the light of day if not in this album, then the next one, a special surprise for his boy) so he doesn’t have much time to confront Harry about it until they have a small break from everything and go back to their house for a couple of days. Louis has to leave the airport on a different car and then proceeds to be driven around aimlessly for an hour until their management is sure there are no paps following him or Harry to the house neither of them are supposed to live in. It’s exhausting.

He’s expecting Harry to be in bed already, and he’s already making plans to persuade him out of it and into making something that’s not deep fried or comming from a box in the freezer for lunch. If not, then they can take a long nap together and order something later. 

He’s taking his shoes off, so, so ready to curl up in their bed, in their home, with Harry’s awful artwork above the frame and the curtains his mum picked for them rolled up in a ball on the floor because they both hated them on sight when he looks up and, okay, Harry is writing in that bloody thing again.

“Ok, that's it. I won't be demoted by that notebook anymore, curly, it's undignified.”

Harry looks paniqued for a second before he tosses the notebook aside (as if he actually thinks Louis is stupid enough not to see it, lying there on the bed) and smiles like a big dopey adorable cup- No, this is exactly why you should never look directly at Harry when he smiles. It scrambles your brain up.

Louis launches himself at the bed, hand going straight for the yellow pad. There's a minute of rolling around trying to contain Harry's flailing limbs underneath him until his hand closes around the paper and he jumps out of bed, victorious.

He's still cackling when he skims over the first page and is promptly stunned into silence after reading the first page.

The whole thing is filled with rough chord progressions and what are clearly verses of a new song. A love song.

“You wrote me a song?” He knows his voice is affected but, the things written on the page are amazing, beautiful things. There are scribbled sentences all over the place. Things like ’I just want it to be you and I forever’ and ’my traces in your hair’ and then words written almost as afterthoughts in the corners of Harry’s mind. It hits Louis like a freight train, that these are words Harry wrote about him. For him. 

It feels like there’s a supernova inside his chest.

Haryr rolls his eyes, but his hands are clutching the bedspread like it’s the only thing keeping him afloat. “Who else could it be for, Lewis? It’s certainly not for Niall.”

He can tell Harry’s trying to make light of the situation but Louis can still feel the blinding smile splitting his face, the corner of his eyes crinkling with the force of it. 

“I mean, it’s obviously for Taylor Swift right?” Louis probably looks like a crazy person, grinning around the words “Although I don’t know if she’ll ever ever get back together with you now that you’re homeless and all that.” 

“I hate you.” Harry says, shaking his head fondly while Louis is too busy laughing at his own lame joke. He can’t help it if he’s bursting at the seams with happiness.

“You’re so full ot shit Harold, you wrote me a song. I bet you have Harry Tomlinson doodled all over that journal of yours with little hearts around it.”

He expects Harry to playfully tackle him or to be mocked right back for being just as besotted. Instead, Harry’s cheeks fill up with color; swoopy hair falling over his eyes as he lowers his gaze and pointedly doesn’t look at Louis.

Louis titls his head a little and realizes Harry is proper embarrased about this. “Babe?”

“I just,” Harry is quiet for a few seconds but Louis know better than to interrupt “I just love you so much sometimes I can’t...” he shrugs like he doesn’t know how to properly explain but he understands anyway because a) it’s Harry, and b) he feels the same way.

Instead of trying to put coherence to his thoughts he just tells Harry he’ll be right back and dashes downstairs, straight into the game room and looks for the slip of paper stacked under the xbox, where he knew Harry would never look.

When he enters their bedroom again, Harry is sitting on the bed with a worried expression on his face. 

“Lou?”

Louis takes a deep, shaky breath, extending the battered piece of paper towards his boyfriend “It doesn’t have a name yet, and Liam helped me with some bits that were rough, and it doesn’t have any music either but, you showed me yours.”

Harry carefully unfolds the paper and reads silently, his expression getting more and more pinched the further he gets. Louis wonders if he looked the same a few minutes ago. Probably not; Harry has always been a big softie marshmallow. It doesn’t help that Louis wrote the most clichéd, fatetruelovesoulmates song of all time, talking about hands being tied up like ships and hearts being bookends. It’s super embarrassing. 

When Harry looks up from the page there are tears in his eyes and dimples in his cheeks. He reaches slowly for Louis’ right hand and places a salty kiss where the rope of his tattoo breaks, in the middle of the quotation marks, right over his pulse.

There are little rivulets sliding from the clump of Harry’s eyelashes down to his forearm, sinking deep into his skin, his body welcoming it as Harry pulls him tight between his parted legs, where they fit like puzzle pieces. Louis cards his left hand through Harry’s messy hair and feels the emotion like a physical thing craddled in their embrace, cherished.

“I know it’s not anything you dont already know but-” Louis murmurs into Harry’s soft hair.

“Louis, shut up.” he sounds all choked up still. God, they’re ridiculous. 

“Okay.”

He’s suddenly glad they got to have this moment here and not in the tour bus with the rest of the band teasing them for being sappy idiots (which they will anyway when they read the lyrics), or worse, at the crowded studio with people left and right telling them to change the words to something more gender appropriate.

“Sing it to me?” Louis asks without even knowing he was going to. He wants to hear it pure, before they have to share it with the world. 

Harry smiles, happiness making his eyes look like a field of freshly cut grass in springtime. _“You don't understand, you don't understand. What you do to me when you hold this hand”_ he brings their hands up to face each other like perfect mirror images. 

Louis sighs in content and lets himself be pulled down to the bed, lying on his back with Harry above him as he keeps singing, shaky and unsure still at some parts, like the melody is not yet fully formed in his head, but getting there.

Harry’s humming _We are on fire_ over and over and Louis agrees, feels fire ignite on his skin as harry presses careful, adoring kisses on his collarbones, over his heart, above his bellybutton. Louis feels so loved he could cry with it. Wants to close his eyes and breathe properly for a second before his heart beats right out of his chest. Harry presses a kiss to his lips, breathing light into him and Louis gasps, opens up for it, thirsty. 

We are on fire.

\-----  
 __I just want it to be you and I forever  
I know you want to leave  
So come on, baby,  
Be with me  
so happily.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on tumblr, I'm a nice person who just deleted her lourry sideblog because I am now brave enough to post it on my main so I have no one to talk to about my boys :( 
> 
>  
> 
> [click itttt](http://colfer-o-brien.tumblr.com)


End file.
